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    Scrolling jokes from around the World... Here they come !! (Below)

    Essex

    HERE is the top joke in the UK:

    A woman gets on the bus with her baby. The driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen, ugh!”

    She sits down fuming and says to her neighbour: “The driver just insulted me!” He replies: “Go and tell him off – I’ll hold your monkey."

    Clubs

    HERE is the top joke in the US:

    Two men are playing golf when one sees a funeral procession pass the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap and prays.

    His friend says: “That’s the most thoughtful and touching thing I ever saw.”

    The first man replies: “Well, we were married 35 years.”

    NightClubs

    Here is the top joke in Australia:

    A woman tells the doctor: "I looked in the mirror and my hair was all frazzled, my skin was wrinkled, my eyes were bloodshot and my face looked corpse-like. What's wrong?"

    The doctor look at her for a minute, then says: "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

    Clubbing

    HERE is the top joke in Belgium:

    Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

    NightClubs in Essex

    HERE is the top joke in Northern Ireland:

    A doctor says to his patient: “I have bad news and worse news. Firstly, you have only 24 hours to live.”

    Patient: “That’s terrible, how can it possibly get worse?”

    Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”

    Games

    HERE is the top joke in Canada:

    When Nasa first sent up astronauts they found ballpoint pens wouldn’t work in zero gravity.

    Scientists spent 12billion dollars developing a pen that worked in zero gravity, upside down, under water, on any surface and in freezing temperatures. The Russians used a pencil.

    Drinks

    HERE is the top joke in Germany:

    A general noticed a soldier behaving oddly, picking up a piece of paper, frowning and saying: “That’s not it,” before putting it down.

    The general arranged for the soldier to have psychological tests, which showed that he was deranged.

    So the general wrote out a discharge form. The soldier picked it up and said: “That’s it!”

    Essex NightClubs

    HERE is the top joke in England:

    Two weasels are sitting in a bar when one starts to insult the other, screaming: “I slept with your mother!”

    The bar goes quiet while everyone listens for the reply.

    The other weasel says: “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk.”

    sex

    HERE is the top joke in Wales:

    A tortoise in New York was mugged by a gang of snails.

    When a detective asked him what had happened, he replied: “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”

    nitelife

    Here is the top joke in Scotland:

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

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