Chat Up Lines & Gags

Essex NightClubs EssexNightClubs

    Not sure if these will work - but it did make us laugh...

  • Go up to a woman and ask her to dance. If she says: "No thank you", you reply: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
  • I can tell you're not sure if you like me. Tell you what, Have sex with me five times, then, in the morning, if you're still not sure, we'll call it off, no hard feelings.
  • I've got six cans of beer in my fridge and one of them's yours.
  • Homer's chat up line to Marge: 'If you were a bogey I'd pick you first!'
  • Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Neither do I, but it broke the ice!
  • You might not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but beauty is only a light switch away....
  • I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one"
  • Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home
  • Can i borrow ur library card? coz i wanna check u out!!
  • Ur like a traffic ticket! Uve got F-I-N-E written all ova u!!
  • Hey, my shoes are having a party, would your dress like to come down and join them?
  • i've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good!
  • Come on, you'll do....
  • I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished.
  • I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
  • The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
  • There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
  • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  • Can I have a photo so Santa knows exactly what I want for Christmas.
  • Just wondering, what would you like for breakfast tomorrow morning?
  • I may not be Fred Flintstone but I'll certainly make your Bed Rock!
  • I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight!
  • Him: Are you a spanner? Her: What? Him: I was just asking cos you make my nuts tighten.
  • I'm not the sharpest tool in the box but I wouldnít mind borrowing yours for a couple of hours ; )
  • I've seen many pretty women tonight, but your the only one i'll remember tomorrow.
  • Its my birthday, can i have a birthday kiss. (It works every Saturday night)
  • Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum!
  • Donít use this if u want a long term relationship - It would waste time getting to know each other so why donít we get down to the fun part.
  • Do u have a first aid kit cause i scraped my knee when i fell for u (i have never tried it but my friend swears by it)
  • You: hey would you like to dance? Them: Yes, You: go on then cos id love to chat to your mate.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight or shall i walk past again!
  • She asks "do you have the time?" you reply "do you have the energy?"
  • (Lick your finger and press against their clothes) "lets get u out of these wet clothes"
  • I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
  • Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
  • Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
  • You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."
  • Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
  • Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.
  • I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
  • Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...
  • You're dead sexy. Get in my pussy!
  • I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
  • Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
  • Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
  • Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
  • That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
  • Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.
  • You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
  • Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
  • Do you live on a chicken farm (girl says no) well you sure know how to raise cocks.
  • I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
  • Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
  • Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
  • So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
  • Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.
  • You're on my list of things to do tonight.
  • If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
  • I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
  • Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a "Do-It-Yourself Shop".
  • I'm a vegetarian but I'd make an exception for your meat!
  • (Blow a kiss and miss on purpose) Oops, I guess I missed, wanna try again, but a little closer?
  • Do I know you? (No.) That's a shame, I'd sure like to.
  • If I followed you home, would you keep me?
  • I'm here now. What were your other two wishes?
  • Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down.
  • You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
  • Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy: I looked at you and dropped mine.
  • Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful boy/girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
  • Damn, Sugar, settle down. I'm diabetic.
  • Be unique and different, say yes.
  • As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my bum? No. Damn!